I GET MY MONEY FOR NOTHING AND MY CHICKS FOR FREE!
Have any of these people ever even MET a woman?
Take off their glasses and suddenly become unrecognisably attractive.
In real life, taking off your glasses doesn’t spark a series of life-changing events. It usually means you can’t see.
Buena Vista Pictures
Never wear a jacket so that a boy can give one to them.
We're actually pretty good at preparing for the weather. You might not know this, but there are actually apps that tell you what weather to expect.
Paramount
Have their entire personality be that they're closed off and unemotional...all until they meet the right man.
Because we're all just bitterly waiting for The One to change us.
Paramount Pictures
Eat food in a sensual manner.
It's actually difficult to make any consumption of food sexy in real life. It's honestly just a necessary bodily function that happens to feel kinda good – like peeing.
Paramount Pictures
Wake up in the morning looking like they have a full face of makeup on.
No one ~wakes up like this~ unless they went to bed drunk without wiping off their makeup, and even then, you wake up with panda eyes. Imagine the state of your pillowcase.
20th Century Fox
Randomly misunderstand little things and completely blow them out of proportion.
In reality, after seeing your new boyfriend out with his sister you don't assume he's cheating and run off while he screams "IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK! I CAN EXPLAIN!" You stop and say hello and find out who she is.
20th Century Fox
Enjoy being told "you're not like other girls".
"Yeah, I'm not like other girls, and it's not because I'm a hot girl who enjoys drinking beer and watching football. I'm actually secretly a lizard person in a human suit."
Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures
Work only as journalists or in the fashion industry.
Are they the only two jobs we can strive for? Is this what our women's suffrage mothers wanted for us?
Columbia Pictures
Say that they learned to fight because they grew up with older brothers.
The correct answer to "Where did you learn to fight like that?" is "All the practice I've had from being pushed too far by morons like you."
Fox
Always orgasm through penetrative sex.
It's no wonder real-life men think this is all it takes.
Columbia Pictures
Walk around in oversized men's button-down shirts after sex, rather than, like, a T-shirt.
It's just inconvenient and honestly kinda smelly.
Warner Bros. Television Distribution
Spend all their time together just talking about men.
Surprisingly, women have other shared interests and don't spare every waking thought on the men in their life.
Lionsgate
Maintain their flawless makeup even in post-apocalyptic chaos.
She can be covered in blood and dirt but you will NEVER see her without her eyeliner game on point. Because she's a badass warrior whose winged eyeliner could kill a man. Duh.
Miramax Films
Not to mention, find the time and resources to shave their legs and armpits, and pluck their eyebrows.
Again, dirt and blood are A-okay amidst an apocalypse, but body hair? God forbid.
20th Century Fox
Make out with each other just to turn a guy on.
It's just not realistic outside of the porn-sphere. Sorry (but not really).
A24
Compete with each other from the moment they meet.
Unless they are related, fictional women are always catty with each other but mutually respectful in all their relationships with men. Meanwhile, women in real life are actually really supportive and encouraging of each other.
Paramount Pictures
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