I GET MY MONEY FOR NOTHING AND MY CHICKS FOR FREE!
Enough is enough.
Hello, world. My name is Stephen, and I'm here to ruin your favorite childhood film, Beauty and the Beast.
Disney
Now don't get me wrong. I freaking LOVE this movie. It's a classic! But I recently re-watched it as an adult, and I have some bad news for you...
Disney
Every single character is a massive fucking asshole. They're all a bunch of dicks! Let's break it down:
Disney
We'll start with Belle. Yes, she's an asshole!
Disney
Belle CLAIMS she wants more than this ~provincial life~ — and then becomes a princess in a big empty castle in the middle of nowhere. She sold out all her values for a man!
Disney
Next up: the Beast. He's an asshole!
Disney
As a prince, he was selfish and vain. He and all his friends are put under a curse LITERALLY because of how terrible he is.
Disney
So what does he do to reverse that curse? He abducts a woman and holds her hostage until she falls in love with him. Fucked up!
Disney
And then we have the enchanted objects — Lumière, Cogsworth, Mrs. Potts — and yes, even Chip. They're all assholes, too.
Disney
If they REALLY gave a fuck about Belle, they would let her escape. Instead, they trick an innocent woman into falling in love with a monster-man, so they can be freed from a curse. Do these people have no moral compass?
Disney
Next up is Maurice. Yup, asshole!
Disney
Maurice started this whole mess by trespassing on private property. That's breaking and entering, dude!
Disney
And finally, we have the villains. Needless to say, they're all assholes. Gaston is a sexist pig, Le Fou is complicit as well, yada yada. This one's obvious.
Disney
Listen, I love Beauty and the Beast as much as the next guy. But every single character in this film needs to take a long, hard look in that magic mirror. THEY'RE ALL ASSHOLES.
Disney
Except for the stepstool-dog. He's cool. He can stay.
Disney
[Read More ...]
No comments:
Post a Comment